How To Listen To Yourself and Others
Do you ever stop to listen to yourself? Like really stop to quiet the mind’s chaos and listen to yourself.
I’ve been doing this a lot lately. And wow. It’s amazing the things you hear when you take the time to actually listen and acknowledge what your inner self is trying to tell you.
Did you know there are actually three levels of listening? They’re called Levels 1, 2, and 3.
And in this post I’m going to introduce you to the three levels of listening, show you the benefits of expanding your listening to the deepest level 3, and finish off with showing you exactly how you can go about putting this into practice.
Most people are stuck at Level 1. It’s the surface level.
Whether you’re in a conversation with someone else, or you’re just trying to get through the day but can’t hear past the noise in your head, that’s you listening at Level 1.
At Level 1, you have only your conscious, self-centered thoughts as your frame of reference. And I don’t mean that in a bad way. What I mean is that, what’s on your mind in the current moment dictates how what you are hearing will impact you, whether it’s from someone else’s mouth or in your own head. You are your frame of reference in the conversation.
Level 2 listening is listening with more than just your ears.
It’s focused at a much deeper level, listening for emotion, expression, perception, or perhaps underlying values or frustrations. When you listen to someone else at Level 2, you’re noticing more of the underlying things behind what they’re saying. You can apply this to yourself as well.
And at the deepest level, the root of it all, is Level 3 listening.
Level 3 is when you listen to information from all angles of the universe at once. You tap into your deepest intuition. And beyond listening, you’re able to draw conclusions.
Most people listen at Level 1, because statistically, most people aren’t trained therapists, counselors, or coaches. Level 1 listening is totally normal and to be expected. But learning to listen to yourself and others at Levels 2 and 3 can bring some MAJOR benefits.
For purposes of this blog post, let’s hold on the benefits to others and spend this time talking about how this benefits YOU, specifically if you find yourself in a rut about something.
Let’s start with an example, and I’m going to kind of embarrass myself here:
A scenario at Level 1 Listening:
I binge eat the daylights out of my kitchen in the afternoons, and unfortunately, this brings about a number of negative consequences. I blow through my groceries budget way sooner than expected. I’m eating way too many calories a day. And it’s unhealthy, any way you look at it. Not to mention, I feel like a complete failure every time I do this. Failure in the sense that I can’t stick to my intended meal schedule, and that I have no control, no commitment, no strength, no nothing!! (stomps feet like a 2 year-old at this point.)
Ok so yes, this was a daily occurrence for me. And yes, there was a LOT going wrong in that thought process I was having. Thought distortions, meta views, the list goes on. I can elaborate more on those topics another time, but the point here is that all of the above is me Level 1 Listening to myself.
Because I’m focused on the very surface level issue here (binge eating), and the impact it’s having on me at that superficial level (frustration and failure).
If you’ve heard of the weight loss Noom app that’s based on psychology and making major waves, a lot of what they teach in that is this exact concept. (I joined and it’s been a Godsend to me).
But here’s what Level 2 Listening would look like if we replay the scenario:
Ok, I’m getting very frustrated on a daily basis because of this. Why does this keep happening? If I listen more closely, with ALL of my senses, I can actually see that there are several triggering events that happen that cause me to run to the fridge desperate for snacks. (And none of them are hunger, by the way).
In Level 2 listening, we start to see patterns and trends. When something with work comes up that I either don’t want to do, or I don’t feel comfortable or confident enough doing, I try to avoid or procrastinate doing it by getting up and going to the fridge for food. Listening to myself at this level, I can also see that having a bowl of snacks sitting next to me is oddly comforting to me during those more difficult tasks I have to do. WEIRD.
But now, let’s go a little deeper into Level 3 Listening:
It seems that I’m using food as a crutch to get me through something I deem to be difficult. I seem to lack confidence in my ability to complete more time-intensive tasks, or those for which I might not have an immediate solution. I’ve realized that I like finishing things quickly. If not, it seems I fear the time and effort it takes to find solutions for people. Interesting.
Starting to see something here?
Now look at how insane this Level 1 conclusion was compared to Level 3!
Level 1 Conclusion: I keep blowing through my budget and eating way too many calories a day because I’m a total failure who clearly has no control or commitment to staying healthy!
Vs. Level 3 Conclusion: I like completing my work and finding solutions quickly for people. I seem to lose confidence in more time-intensive projects, and in those instances, I use food as my crutch to get me through the task.
Wowsers. Quite a difference.
Can you imagine if you listened to yourself at Level 3 more often? Can you imagine if you listened to your significant other, coworkers, friends, and family at Level 2 or 3 more often??
But really, this is so beneficial to understand, especially if you’re someone who beats yourself up a lot, OR just as importantly, if you’re someone who gets frustrated with other people easily.
So how do you start to make this a regular practice?
1. It starts with you being aware.
And you can check that box because I’ve now made you aware of these listening concepts. But also, take this awareness and apply to your own personal thoughts and the conversations you’re in with other people.
2. Stop and seek silence.
I stumbled into this practice when I started going out to the dock first thing in the morning as a new way to set my mood for the day. The longer I sat out there, the more still my mind became. Of course it wouldn’t last more than one hour into my work day, so I started going back to my quiet place during my lunch breaks. And then again after work. I made a habit of seeking this silence multiple times daily. Because there is no way you can think clearly when the usual distractions are right around you.
So find your silent space. Preferably outside your house somewhere. Or maybe in your bedroom if it means there’s no TV, phone, or work distractions. Or, if you’re home alone with nowhere else to go, just sit in the middle of your living room with your eyes closed and imagine yourself somewhere else entirely.
3. Ask out loud into the silence for help with your specific issue.
Some may call this asking the universe. For me personally, I call it asking God. And others might just call it talking out loud to themselves. But I’ll tell you this, after two solid months of doing this daily, I can go outside to my God spot, ask my question, and I hear an answer come right back to me. And not only do I get an answer, but I get a step-by-step understanding of my situation, myself, and others involved. With all senses. At all three listening levels. It is pretty bad-ass.
4. Do not underestimate the power of what you just did.
Do you know how rare it is for people to feel listened to or understood? I’m sure you’ve said the same thing yourself!
Do you know how powerful it is when you can actually hear your intuition (or God) speaking? Where you can hear it so clearly that you have the confidence to act on it? (By the way, if our intuitions didn’t come from something bigger and more powerful than our earthly physical bodies, then we’d never have any worries, stress, fear, or uncertainty, would we? Just my thought.)
So this is an amazingly powerful thing! So take this information and your time spent in silence, listening at all levels, very seriously. It can be life changing. Actually I’m going to come right out there and tell you it WILL be life changing.
And don’t forget to thank yourself for this time spent listening at all levels. It’s one of the most valuable things you can do for yourself and for those around you. Give it a try and let me know what you think in a comment below!
Have a fantastic week! On all levels ;)
-Kristin
